|My Kuroshitsuji/Black Butler OC Kitty Maguire! |
Have a look at her, ask me about her, tell me what you think about her, and if you have any hints how I could improve her, feel free to let me know. :3
I was in a very strange mood today, and whenever that happens, I start thinking – perhaps way too much than would be sane for me, but hey, I guess this happens to the best of us.
I have been asked by several people I know in real life why I love drawing so much, and I always used to answer “Because I enjoy it”, which is true. I love it. I get a positive vibe from everything I draw and from the process itself. I get into a kind of exciting rush when I see how the picture´s progressing, how everything comes together, how what I had in mind becomes “real”, in a sense, on paper or in pixel. I love to see how it resembles or differs from my initial vision; it´s a bit like I was not the one drawing, but rather observing myself. It sometimes happens that I´m like “Whoa, did I actually make this?!” when I finish a picture, and it´s a good feeling.
(Often, the old harsh self critic comes out of the shadows at this point and keeps on dragging my attention towards all the mistakes and imperfections I´ve made, lol).
This counts for original art as well as for fan art. I am a dreamer; I constantly invent stories in my mind, and the things I read/watch fuel these stories. I have like a little movie playing in my head when I read a story; it´s like my imagination lets me see what´s going on. Eventually the old itch to pick up paper and pencil or put on Photoshop returns, and I start drawing. Cosplayers are a great inspiration as well; all the love and passion they put into making their costumes is visible, for some even almost tangible (if that makes any sense) in the way they portray their character, and I just love to capture that feeling in a drawing. I had the honour to be allowed to draw a variety of cosplayers, and I am so thankful for giving me a chance to catch a glimpse of their passion in a drawing.
Now I have been thinking further…actually I´ve been brooding over that question quite a lot. Why do I enjoy drawing so much? The answer just hit me tonight when someone pointed out how many notes my last fan art got on here…
I enjoy drawing because it makes people happy.
I already talked about this – I only draw things I like myself, because I can somehow relate to them. I would never have drawn a single Kuroshitsuji or Shingeki no Kyojin fan art only for the sake of drawing something popular. I draw for those shows because I love them and because I enjoy drawing for them. Likewise you might see art from older or more unpopular series as well when I kind of rediscover them and fall back in love.
Now whenever I post a drawing I know there´s gonna be a bunch of “Looks good” or “Lol” or similar comments, and I like them. They may not be very constructive or elaborate on what the viewer really thinks about them, but they let me know that they liked it and that it made them smile. Then there are the comments of viewers who really express what they liked or disliked, what they thought while viewing it and how it made them feel, and those get me all the time.
You know, things have not always been that easy for me. I´m not whining or complaining, because I know that a lot of you are going through a lot harder time than I did, and I would not be the person I am today if my life would have been different. But there have been people in my life who constantly told me that what I love doing most was useless. That I, in fact, was useless because I waisted my time with drawing. That I would never get happy through it, and that I would never be able to make someone else happy with my art. That it wouldn´t even make them smile.
I know this is silly, but somehow this is still in the back of my mind when I upload a picture. So when I get excited about a comment I get, it´s not because they think I´m a good artist in the first place, but because my art somehow made them happy.
Winxhelina tends to get very excited about stuff I post, and the way she describes her emotions makes me think that she actually smiles when she types her comment out, and this makes me grin like an idiot. DareDreemer ´s comments are always very emotional, and it always makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside to see how happy or even sad on a fangirly-level she gets over my pictures, because I managed to touch her with my art. Ayla1991 and Shiyou-chan - I drew them several times, and they literally flailed in my inbox. I got to meet them in person, and just the look in their eyes when they expressed what they felt about the drawings made my heart race (and it was not about how “well done” the picture was, but really about how it made them feel). I could name several more; these are only the first ones that popped into mind.
There are also people I don´t know/don´t know that long/don´t know that well yet who sometimes react like this, and it´s just…wow. Moiscen used to do this a lot when we were just in the process of getting to know each other (in fact, they still do it now sometimes), and the feeling was incredible; I was kind of covering my mouth with my own hands in order not to squee out loud. Shikarius, who I had never interacted with before she gave me permission to draw a fan art of one of her cosplay pictures, mentioned that seeing it made her day, and that statement made me tear up in a positive way. I could name a bunch of other people, but this journal is already too long.
It´s this “OMG I managed to make someone happy with something that makes me happy, and that makes me even happier” kind of feeling, which I rarely used to have before I joined dA a few years back and, ultimately, tumblr. And I feel like it´s an incredibly selfish thing to do, and that I get way too emotional about all this stuff, but I can´t help it.
Yes, I want to improve because I want to prove myself that I can do better. II want to make decent art because I want to feel like it´s not useless or worthless.
But above all, I want to make people happy, and to be happy because they are.
What are you passionate about, and what makes you do what you love doing?
Sweet. That´s me.
Hobbit-sized cupcake maker. Poney drawer. Fanart creator. Occasional rant writer. Member of the Fellowship of the Moria Cupcake. Proud Hiddlestoner and member of Loki´s Army. Sometimes runs around as magenta-haired maid. Sucker for literature. English and Sociology student. Tea and coffee drinker. Strawberry addict. Movies lover. Creepy hidden object games player. Fairy dust hoarder. Prank player. Poetry and short stories writer. Funky earrings wearer. Rainbow lover. Ringbearer.
…hang on, that was someone else who was about my size…
I love music. A lot. Weird stuff, funky stuff, romantic stuff...the genre, the band or the era do not matter to me, as long as I like it.
I am a passionate fan. If I really like something, it´s probable that I´ll do fanart for it, sooner or later. Sherlockian, Black Butlerist, Loki worshipper, Squad member, Trekkie, Potterhead, Sailor Senshi, X-Files addict - and much much more.
Got questions? Ask away, my lovelies!